Mountain House Horoscopes

As we all know, Mercury is in retrograde. This means that life might be getting a little crazy right now: it is a time known for computer troubles and transportation issues (how many computers and cars are out of commission right now?), and when everything just seems a little bit more hectic. We are at the halfway point of our experience in the Adirondacks, and in honor of Mercury's retrograde status and of our own mid-semester craze, here are some horoscopes for you all.


Aries (Mar 21-Apr 19): Just as you think that there is too much routine in your life, something new is coming to shake things up a little bit. Just hang in there for a little while longer, and opportunities for new experiences will come. If not, maybe try skydiving.

Taurus (Apr 20-May 20): Now is the time to grab life by the horns (Taurus? Get it?) and change the things that are causing you stress or dissatisfaction. As the wise "Nike, Inc." once said, just do it. Thanks Nike.

Gemini (May 21-June 20):  Unfortunately, the next couple of days will be a little rough. Now is a good time to settle in and hold off on big decisions until this time passes (aka, until Mercury isn't in retrograde anymore). If random misfortunes do occur, try and remember that this period is temporary. In other news, you will have twins on August 21, 2025--congratulations!

Cancer (June 21-July 22): You are approaching a big decision point in your life! This is a great opportunity to make progress in your goals, but be sure to think carefully about your choices for the next couple of days, as they may have significant consequences. Thinking about ordering crab for dinner tomorrow night? Think again.

Leo (July 23-Aug 22): There is a lot happening in your life right now, but the end of the chaos is nowhere in sight! There is a lot of good stuff that has been happening, but also some bad events have dampened those good things that were just mentioned a second ago. You had lunch today, and it was subpar. Don't worry--lunch will be better tomorrow, although you may spill something. If you are cold tonight, add an extra blanket tomorrow morning. You will need to buy more toothpaste in 9.41 days. Your third child will only have seven toes, and it's favorite animal will be a koala bear. The film Lake Placid, starring Betty White and killer alligators, will play a significant role in your great-granddaughter's life once she turns 24. Lions are an important part of your life, especially in the next couple of days. Watch out for lions on the side of the road, as they are a good omen for you in this special time!

Virgo (Aug 23-Sep 22): Your favorite food is pancakes.

Libra (Sep 23-Oct 22): Tomorrow may be your birthday. If so, happy birthday! If not, then my sincerest apologies for missing your birthday. We'll try again next year.

Scorpio (Oct 23-Nov 21): These past few days have probably found you feeling a little down. All of the chaos that comes with Mercury being in retrograde has had an effect on you, and you are ready to move on. Don't worry, things will start seeming normal soon. If you need a pick me up, just remember that your sign is a scorpion which is pretty damn cool (who even knows what "sagittarius" means).

Sagittarius (Nov 22-Dec 21): Life is pretty normal right now, I guess. Nothing crazy has happened in the last couple of days. Most likely, nothing will happen in the next week or so either. Life is just sort of going, you know? Cool.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19): (How many more of these do I need to write? Do people really do this every day?)

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb 18): This is a great opportunity for you to really enjoy your current standing in life. Things are going well for you, and this year is on an upswing, so take advantage of it! Let the sun shine in.

Pisces (Feb 19-Mar 20): Grab the book nearest to you. Turn to a random page, turn three pages back, and read the sixth sentence aloud. Let this sentence be your mantra for the rest of the weekend, and good things will find you.




(I am not an astrologist. I know nothing about astrology. These horoscopes are 174% made up. Except that my favorite food is pancakes, that is extremely accurate.)